The one where a 10 year old tries to seduce an older lady
This post was HARD. I first began drafting this a few weeks ago and had this song stuck in my head for DAYS afterwards and then I was too terrified to come back to it. Honestly, I’d be walking back from the supermarket and all of a sudden I would have this high pitched,
“HOW DID YOU KNOW cos I never told…” out of nowhere.
But then signs began appearing, telling me that I needed to finish the post. The first was the most obvious, being my best friend asking me,
‘Where is your Aaron Carter post?’
Then my cousin, who is the exact opposite of a cheesy 90s pop fan, inexplicably shared this actual video on his Facebook the other day, bemused this song even existed.
Then I was looking through old photos and came across this – the remnants of Aaron the glacè cherry from high school (yes we named a glacè cherry). We named the glacè cherry after Aaron Carter because it was tiny, like him (back then). Over 10 years later we found him in an envelope with some rose petals and an article about Christina Aguilera.
So here it is. Aaron Carter. He was the Justin Bieber of his day. He had parties, wanted candy and he beat Shaq. Pretty iconic. This is a cover of The Jet’s song from 1986 – it’s predominantly sung by women and yet it’s still not as high pitched as Aaron Carter’s version.
The video begins with Nick Carter giving Aaron a pep talk (which is cut out of the video above). Aaron complains that the girl he likes, fancies ‘muscle men’ aka. Not 10 year old scrawny kids like him. Why is that I wonder? Is it because she looks, oh I don’t know, 25 years old?
“You’ve got to be yourself, girls like that,” says Nick Carter, swaggering off in his gangsta gear.
Aaron magically finds a professionally printed sign alerting him to a talent show. Nick told Aaron he had to be himself, remember, and as we all know, Aaron himself is talented. Perfect!
The song begins with Aaron perplexed how this girl managed to find out he has a crush on her (“You must have heard it from my best friend, she always talking when she should be listening…”), when the little twerp he begins the line of whispers himself. Only got yourself to blame. Don’t blame this on your pretend best friend!
“…How did you know, because I never told…” he insists at the beginning of the chorus.
No actually, Aaron, I just said, you DID tell! Look! You told this dude right at the start. Photographic proof. Lies!
Going to be honest, I felt especially creepy watching a prepubescent kid singing ‘The way you move was so self-assured’ while doing the lady-curves move and then seductively running his hands down his overalls.
Eventually the line of whispers ends at the girl of Aaron’s affections. And her reaction to being told a 10 year old has a crush on her #accurate
Aaron wins the contest with his sexy dance moves *shudder* and he scores the top prize which is … a cougar!
But in the last seconds, a girl actually Aaron’s age comes along and straight away Aaron has left his cougar for this new, age-appropriate girl. I can’t say I’m not relieved but still, you spent an entire music video and a talent show in order to get your cougar and then you just leave her? You’re a tease.
What is Aaron Carter up to now? Well he’s just released a new song called Fool’s Gold, in the video he has a nifty piano tattoo and you know what, I actually quite like the song. And again…