The one where a bunch of lads wear a variety of sparkly vests, midriff tops and ridiculous hats to a nightclub.
Attention Take That circa 1993: We need to talk about your fashion choices. I know, I know, every single one of us were getting around with mullets and parachute pants back then but this is summin’ else. It’s no ‘Do What U Like’, but I’ll deal with you all in a moment.
Take That were one of the biggest boybands of the 90s… unless you’re from the United States, in which case they were one hit wonders, and it’s your loss. When Take That announced their split in 1996, such was the despair that helplines were set up to help heartbroken fans. I didn’t call the helpline that day. Because instead, that very same day, I got my first period. Yep. That’s a dramatic day in a girl’s life, I can tell you.
But back to Relight My Fire, which was a cover of Dan Hartman’s 1979 song. If you are looking for a very accurate portrayal of how this cover came about, I suggest you check out this snippet from Star Stories. “How DARE YOU slam the door on Lulu!!”
At the time of writing this, the top Youtube comment on Relight My Fire is ‘Anyone else thought they were singing ‘We like papaya’?’ So big thanks to that person, I have spent the past hour singing in my lounge about an exotic fruit to the tune of this song, which in no way is an indication of how sad my life is.
The video begins with Take That sashaying into a nightclub, wearing their finest midriff tops and sparkly vests, and Robbie wearing a …skyscraper on his head? I don’t even know if that’s the worst of it. I have to know why Howard is wearing a nappy?
On closer inspection I think they could be a pair of chaps, which may or may not make it better.
Why does it look as though they are entering through giant plastic sheets like it’s a crime scene? There are some fairly bad crimes against fashion going on here, to be fair.
Because what would your first thoughts be if you saw these guys walking into the club?
Mark Owen is wearing a crop top that says ‘Junkie Baddy Powder’, which, inappropriately, I desperately wanted for myself. Mark was my favourite because, as an 8 year old, he was the member that looked the closest to my age.
Jason and some chick decide that they will clean the car, or, perhaps they are washing a dog. It’s soon clear they are no longer interested in washing the dog as they are seductively showering each other, and clearly the footage of a left-out looking dog has since been cut.
The band are soon joined by Lulu – who, rumour has it, may or may not have hooked up with Jason in the process. Let us presume Jason ditched his fellow dog-washing lady friend, ignored all the women in the bikinis on the dancefloor and hooked up with Lulu, who at 45 years old was 23 years older than him. Brilliant. GIRL. IS. A. HERO.
Robbie is sitting on what appears to be the Iron Throne towards the end – probably explaining his early departure from the band. Everyone on that show is doomed.
At the end of this recap, it is only fitting that we induct Robbie Williams into the Ridiculous Hats Hall of Fame for his oversized Willy Wonka effort. But we still love you Robster.