Relight My Fire – Take That

The one where a bunch of lads wear a variety of sparkly vests, midriff tops and ridiculous hats to a nightclub.
Released 1993

Attention Take That circa 1993: We need to talk about your fashion choices. I know, I know, every single one of us were getting around with mullets and parachute pants back then but this is summin’ else. It’s no ‘Do What U Like’, but I’ll deal with you all in a moment.

Take That were one of the biggest boybands of the 90s… unless you’re from the United States, in which case they were one hit wonders, and it’s your loss. When Take That announced their split in 1996, such was the despair that helplines were set up to help heartbroken fans. I didn’t call the helpline that day. Because instead, that very same day, I got my first period. Yep. That’s a dramatic day in a girl’s life, I can tell you.

But back to Relight My Fire, which was a cover of Dan Hartman’s 1979 song. If you are looking for a very accurate portrayal of how this cover came about, I suggest you check out this snippet from Star Stories. “How DARE YOU slam the door on Lulu!!”

At the time of writing this, the top Youtube comment on Relight My Fire is ‘Anyone else thought they were singing ‘We like papaya’?’ So big thanks to that person, I have spent the past hour singing in my lounge about an exotic fruit to the tune of this song, which in no way is an indication of how sad my life is.

Relight My Fire 9 - Take That

We like papaya!

The video begins with Take That sashaying into a nightclub, wearing their finest midriff tops and sparkly vests, and Robbie wearing a …skyscraper on his head? I don’t even know if that’s the worst of it. I have to know why Howard is wearing a nappy?

Relight My Fire 1 - Take That

On closer inspection I think they could be a pair of chaps, which may or may not make it better.

Why does it look as though they are entering through giant plastic sheets like it’s a crime scene? There are some fairly bad crimes against fashion going on here, to be fair.

Relight My Fire 6 - Take That

CSI: Boyband Unit

Because what would your first thoughts be if you saw these guys walking into the club?

Relight My Fire 7 - Take That

Mark Owen is wearing a crop top that says ‘Junkie Baddy Powder’, which, inappropriately, I desperately wanted for myself. Mark was my favourite because, as an 8 year old, he was the member that looked the closest to my age.

Relight My Fire 5 - Take That

All the best men in the 90s wore curtains

Relight My Fire 2 - Take That

“It’s totally fine now but getting in the taxi here was a bitch.”

Jason and some chick decide that they will clean the car, or, perhaps they are washing a dog. It’s soon clear they are no longer interested in washing the dog as they are seductively showering each other, and clearly the footage of a left-out looking dog has since been cut.

Relight My Fire 10 - Take That

‘Not cool, you guys.’

The band are soon joined by Lulu – who, rumour has it, may or may not have hooked up with Jason in the process. Let us presume Jason ditched his fellow dog-washing lady friend, ignored all the women in the bikinis on the dancefloor and hooked up with Lulu, who at 45 years old was 23 years older than him. Brilliant. GIRL. IS. A. HERO.

Take That and Lulu

Lulu – we salute you

Robbie is sitting on what appears to be the Iron Throne towards the end – probably explaining his early departure from the band. Everyone on that show is doomed.

Relight My Fire 4 - Take That

Robbie Williams-Stark – off with his hat

At the end of this recap, it is only fitting that we induct Robbie Williams into the Ridiculous Hats Hall of Fame for his oversized Willy Wonka effort. But we still love you Robster.

Robbie Williams

One comment

  1. Alex's Crazy Stupid Blog · May 8, 2016

    Bloody loved that Star Stories clip, so funny. Nigel Martin Smith was a first class bellend even when you read Gaz’s autobiography. A lot of their styling decisions etc are his doing certainly from their first two albums.

    Liked by 1 person

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