The one where a ‘lad band’ crashes an exam.
Five (or 5ive, depending on who you ask) were an English, self-proclaimed “lad-band.” Not lap band, LAD band, because they were too ‘ard to be a boy band, see. YOU GOT THAT, MATE? I say that they were a band… but they are still going – originally as a four-piece (so, 4our?), and now as a three-piece (umm, 3hree?).
Five’s general laddishness was not more present than in their video for Everybody Get Up, in which they take over an exam. But we soon find out it’s not in the way where they snuck in and gave everyone the answers – which would have actually been more useful. However, I suppose providing a detailed explanation of the Pythagoras Theorem makes for a really boring music video.
“Please turn off all pagers and mobiles,” the Professor advises at the beginning. Literally five seconds later, he himself is PAGED to go to the office. So he leaves the exam completely unsupervised because students in high-pressure study environments are super trustworthy and all that. I mean, why even have an invigilator in the first place.
One dude gets the ball rolling by attacking his desk with his ruler and soon everyone else in unison. It’s apparently the boyband version of summoning the Candyman, because out of nowhere Five appear. These are the things I wish I knew at school.
The boys waltz in on the stage, with so many leather jackets that I’m pretty sure they were off to a leather jacket convention when they were abruptly summoned to an exam. Instantly everyone is ripping off their clothes and doing backflips, which is understandable because when I saw Five recently in Australia I pretty much did the exact same thing when they came out on stage. However, you just know that somewhere in the corner, there is poor Hermoine Grainger, utterly disappointed her exam is being interrupted:
Soon, Abz has swapped his leather jacket for a slick bullet proof vest, while J has completed his ‘ard man look with a tidy bowler hat.
Rich and Scott pick up a few cans a paint to throw at people, because I don’t know about you but no party is complete without a good dose of solvent fumes.
As a complete aside – every time I look at Rich back in the 90s I think of a Daphne & Celeste interview I’d read as a 15 year old. For some reason, they said Rich looked like a Muppet. Now I cannot unsee it. What is wrong with my brain, WHY is this committed to my long-term memory?
Someone then sets off the sprinklers just to add to the general chaos. I know I am getting old when I look at all of this malarkey and I think it must have been a bitch to get all of that paint out of their hair. Speaking of hair, how long do you think it took Scott to do his spikes each day?
Let’s all be honest, one of the best parts of the song is Sean’s ‘Ah.’ But how did well would that have gone down in the studio?
“Sean, we’ve got you a solo.”
“Finally! What would you like me to sing.”
“We need an ‘Ah’.”
At the conclusion of the party, Five abruptly leave, leaving the students, covered in paint and soaking wet, to totally take all the rap. That’s nice.
“My God, what’s happened? GOOD HEAVENS.”
“It was 5ive, Sir, honest. They came in, did a dance, threw paint at us and set off the sprinklers.”